Signing Off
by Flying Strawberry Bunny
Summary: WARNING: dEPRESSING! based off of an rp I did. Sorry it's poor, I wrote it in a couple of hours while doing the rp. Please review if you read it! I might add to it, but I think I'm done with this one...


**_The cold metal slowly warmed up in his shaking hands as he attempted to calm his racing heart and unsteady breathing. He could do this. No more chickening out. This was it. It was now or never for the last time. He paused long enough to draw in one more life giving breath before slowly looking up._**

"What most people don't know about me…where to start?" **_he laughed, but it wasn't sincere, he didn't grin like he always had before, and his blue eyes remained untouched by it. Cold, determined._** "I guess with the beginning, that's where most stories start. I don't want to break tradition, I've done that enough already, haven't I?" **_another pause, this time to nervously shift the object in his other hand._** "Right, the beginning…well, before I was discovered I would stay with a group of natives. They were nice, like a family. But it wasn't long before unusual people started to come on big boats, bigger than any I had seen before. Shortly after that Finland saw me then the brother war came next. When I chose Iggy as my older brother, I thought he'd come live with me and my adopted family. But…hell" **_he stopped to take off his glasses and wipe the tears that had slowly formed in his eyes_**"I never expected _that _to happen! I wasn't allowed to see them anymore, and they were dubbed as _'savages'_. Were they really the savages though? After all, they weren't the ones who accepted help from them, held a feast, waited for them to go to sleep then attacked, were they? My first family was gone. Iggy was away in Europe when it happened. I cried myself to sleep the entire time he was gone. When he came back I made sure I only cried when I was alone, after all, good children were seen but not heard, and I wanted to impress Iggy, even if his people had killed them.

So I grew up with Iggy's hand to guide me on the path of life. But he was away so much. And truthfully I got lonely, even with my rabbit that I was allowed to keep as company. I know that he hated going away so much, but he was still gone. When I was a little older and left alone once more I heard the first words about a revolution. They had been hushed and barely audible, at the time I didn't know why, it didn't take long for me to figure out why. I stayed up that night trying to figure out what it all meant. A few days later Iggy was back again and I decided to ask him about it, after all, he was older and that meant that he possessed all the answers in the world. He had dropped a dish as soon as the word left my lips. It was as though all of my innocence had died right then. He quickly explained that it was something to never be mentioned and it was best to forget about it. Only I didn't. Not long after I found out from a few other whispered conversations between colonialists what a revolution was, and it seemed appealing. A way to prove that I wasn't a child that could be controlled like a puppet anymore.

So I had my revolution. The founding fathers wrote up the Declaration of Independence and helped create a new type of government. But they weren't satisfied with just fame. Some wanted more. Much more. Not wealth. But me. I was only a teenager…I hadn't known what their advances had foreshadowed…all I had known was that if I lost them the war would be lost. So I allowed myself to be used. A broken toy that was soon discarded for wives and others who had more experience or demanded their commitment. I pushed those memories to the back of my mind, to be forgotten. Washington was the one who first stopped using me. He was also the only one who apologized, so I helped him win favor over the others to become the first leader.

One day he brought a girl in to meet me. I still remember it like it was yesterday. Her name was Charlotte, she had been wearing a pink dress with a matching bonnet, the fashion for women back then, and her dark brown hair had been pinned up with a white ribbon. She had smiled warmly, making little wrinkles show up by her green eyes. A few days later we had started dating. I had spent most of our relationship trying to convince myself I loved her and could spend the rest of her life at least together. But a year later when we were engaged I realized I couldn't go through with it. I woke up early one morning and found myself a quill and parchment to write a note to her explaining that I was leaving, and she had been a wonderful person, but I just couldn't marry her. I left it on her kitchen table, packed my clothes and some food in a pack before leaving on a horse towards the western horizon. I'm not exactly sure what drew my west. It was like a magnet was pulling me, or I was looking for something that wasn't there. I think it was a little bit of both. Uncharted land had drawn many to my lands, and I guess in the end it drew even me into its trap.

I'm not sure what happened to Charlotte. I know a lot of people considered me insane for leaving like that, others assumed I had an affair. When I came back I was told that she had married someone else, but had still missed me. The heart is an interesting thing, because even if I didn't love her like that, I still hope everyday that her man gave her the best life she could have ever hoped for. The life I never could have given her. But I never saw her again. It wasn't long after I got back that the Civil War took place. It felt like I was being torn apart. North and South at war, tearing me to pieces from the inside out. I'm still surprised today that wasn't the end of me. But it wasn't.

I stayed out of Europe, like Washington told me to. Then the World Wars happened. I'm not sure what Washington would have wanted me to do; I don't think he ever considered World Wars. No one wants to, they are terrible and tear empires, countries, towns, families, lives and so much more apart to little pieces that are so small it would take to much time and glue to ever fix in a single lifetime. After the first war I had hoped that was the end of it. When the Great Depression set in I had thought it couldn't get worse, then dust storms ruined a lot of farmland, causing the crisis to grow. I had coughed from the dust that settled in my lungs, making it hard to breathe and I was constantly thirsty, no matter how much I drank. I had to allow myself to be used again, just to get enough money to survive daily. And just when I was ready to give up again World War 2 came around I didn't know weather to celebrate or scream. It provided much needed jobs though, and brought my economy back.

Many wars have happened since then. With and without me. But I'm not really as concerned as I know I should be. But now I realize I'm falling ever so slowly. And I don't want to wait for death to hunt me down. The long standing question is about to be answered for us all. Can countries die? For my sake I hope they can. I just wanted to stand on my own, now I understand why Washington warned me to stay out of Europe. I never wanted to become a world superpower, not really at least. It's too much. There are too many wars, too many problems, let's face it, it's amazing I even made it this far. But I'm ending my suffering today. I've been lost for too long. You can only be used so many times before you become broken. Don't get me wrong, it was amazing to be a country. Seeing all of the advances history managed to produce and meeting so many interesting people. I'm glad I got to witness it all." **_The metal object came fully into view, a gun held in his left hand that he slowly lifter to his temple before continuing._** "But I've lived my life now. I might be young for a country, but I've lived longer than anyone mortal has ever lived in history, or even twice that long. I'm ready now. So I have no regrets as I perform this final act." **_He closed his eyes and took a final long, deep breath._** "This is Alfred F. Jones -the United States of America- signing off." **_There was gunshot and the camera hit the ground as it fell from Alfred's grasp and hit the floor. It continued filming for a few more painful minutes before the battery must have run out before it had time to be recovered and charged. _**

Everyone in the room was silent. Unsure what to say. Finally the silence was broken by a loud sob that had been forced back for the entire video. A few others joined in until half the room was crying; the other half was still silent. The question had been answered, and Alfred had paid the price with his life.

Finally someone stood up. A few continued to sob quietly, mostly the allies of the fallen nation, but they looked up with the others as Germany started to speak. "America's death was a terrible thing; something that we all wish could have been stopped. But it has already happened. All that we can do now is move on, no matter how painful it is."

A few mumbled replies were produced before England stood up harshly, his chair falling back in the process. "So that's it?! You're just going to brush him aside like that?!" He sobbed. "Like he's a bloody dog that no one wanted anyway?!"

Germany sighed, carefully deciding what to say next. "No, I am not brushing him away. We will always remember him, but there isn't anything we can do. He's gone, and now all we can do is accept that and do our best to move on with our lives."

A few more tears fell from the other nation's face before he managed to choke out, "No…not me. I won't forget him that easily, I don't care what you say, you are trying to forget him, but I promise you Al, I won't ever forget you…even if you said I'm no longer your older brother, family is forever, no matter what you did to my heart…"

Germany said nothing else, just quietly dismissed the meeting deciding that nothing else could be done for awhile. The world was too broken and shocked. No matter what Alfred had thought, many countries had cared for him, and everyone felt his death.

Arthur was the last to leave, not bothering to pick up the chair from the ground. Instead he silently pulled on his coat, letting his tears fall freely. There weren't as many now, after all, you can only cry for so long. Before he left though, he went over to the officer who had brought them the video. "Thank you." He whispered.

The officer nodded before pulling out a slip of paper from his uniform pocket. "This was addressed to you."

Arthur took it in surprise, carefully holding it as though it would explode if he wasn't careful enough. Walking out of the conference room he hurried to the hotel he was staying at, never once letting go of the precious note, even once it was in his pocket. When he was finally inside he sat on the bed and opened the folded piece of paper. The sight of Alfred's handwriting was enough to draw more tears to his eyes. He quickly wiped them away though so he could read the paper.

_Dear Arthur, _

_I have so much I wanted to tell you, but I just don't know how. I was never good with words. So I guess I won't get fancy and I'll just say it now. I love you. I still do, even if I'm gone. I never told you because I was too afraid too, and the world was too crazy for me to think about how I even could. But now I want to. After all, it's now or never. I'll wait for you._

_-America_

Arthur sobbed into a pillow the rest of the night, even after he had run out of tears to cry. Those were the same words that Al had always told him when he had left for Europe. 'I'll wait for you.' _I always kept you waiting, didn't I? _He thought. _I'm so sorry, I never meant to. _"I love you too Al…" he whispered shakily. And as exhaustion claimed him and he started to fall into the darkness of a dreamless slumber he swore that he would feel strong arms around him and the smell of Alfred. Burgers, fries, fields, wheat, sunshine, fresh air, and so many scents that had made him who he had been. "More than you'll ever know." Arthur added before allowing the darkness to provide him a temporary escape from this terrible reality.


End file.
